WY Quality Counts

When we hear of ‘spoiling’ a child, we may think of someone who buys too many toys, or gives the child anything they want, but there are other ways of spoiling a toddler.  First, we have to be clear that showing affection and loving a child is not spoiling him.  You are not spoiling a child if you are meeting their every NEED (not want).  Needs are love, affection, food, safety, health, social/emotional and intellectual.  When the child’s needs are fulfilled, he/she grows up to be independent, cooperative, well behaved and physically and emotionally strong.  

Being spoiled is not a personality trait…children are not born spoiled.  Children learn to be spoiled from the way they are raise.  Parents and providers who don’t set clear, realistic boundaries and have no routines or schedules are setting up the toddler to be spoiled.  Toddlers are learning to be independent and are testing the waters to see where their limits lie.  When setting boundaries, the adult (parents or care provider) has to be stern, but loving and kind at the same time.  Boundaries give toddlers a sense of safety and security because they teach toddlers respect, sense of stability, and predictability.  

We have routine and clear expectations at our Center and it is amazing how quickly our little toddlers learn the routine.  For instance the toddlers at our Center know that if they have good nap time, they will get their choice of 3 stickers.  If they don’t have good nap time (don’t lie down quietly reading their book and go to sleep), then they don’t get any stickers.  The teacher ever so kindly tells the toddler ‘you did not nap today, so no stickers, but tomorrow if you nap, then you’ll get stickers’.  The little ones remember this and the next day they’ll ask “if I nap today, I get stickers?” 

Another way to avoid having a spoiled toddler is to help them learn to be thankful, sharing and kind to their friends and siblings.  Remember that toddlers are very self-centered and this is a great time to start teaching them the concept of sharing and being kind.  For instance if a toddler has a doll or an object another toddler wants, we usually ask the toddler “when you are done with your doll, will you please give it to Suzy?”  Willing, they hand the doll over after a few minutes and find another playing object.  This teaches them sharing but it also puts the power in their hands. 

One more way to prevent toddler acting spoiled is to not to give in to their tantrums.  I sometimes have little ones that are new to the Center and have not learned to follow directions so they throw a tantrum when they don’t follow directions and can’t get their way.  I bring them to my office where they can sit on my Sponge Bob couch to rest a few minutes.  I give them time to be angry, throw a fit (if that is what they need to do) and calm down (it usually does not take them long to calm down).  I tell them “when you are calm and quiet, we can talk so put your tears away so that we can talk.”.  When they see that throwing a tantrum is not effective, they quiet down and we have a little chat.  I ask them if they are ready to go join their group and they say yes and go back to the classroom.  

The toddlers are very smart and they very quickly learn that throwing tantrums is not an effective way of getting what they want.  We try to teach them to use their words to negotiate with their friends and find ways to share toys.  So don’t be afraid to love the toddler and meet his/her needs, however, don’t hesitate to set limits, boundaries and routine.