Discipline without punishment
Date :
Friday, April 23 2010
Source:
Autourina Mains
The word discipline can be misinterpreted. What does discipline mean? The term discipline means to bring order to chaos, to help regulate, and to help control. Using positive approaches and strategies with love and care is the most effective way to discipline your toddler. Keep in mind that your toddler is in the developmental stage where she is learning to be independent and wants to have control over some decisions. When he says no to every command you give him, it is not to be defiant, but to exert his powerJ So be understanding, loving.
Toddlers misbehave for many reasons and some of them are:
- Their curiosity…they are still learning about their world and are curious to see what happens if….if I throw a ball or dad’s watch in the toilet?
- Lack of ability to communicate can be frustrating for little toddlers. Their language skills are still not developed enough to be able to express their emotions; fear, anger, frustration, etc, so they display it in behavior.
- Frustration is another biggy that gets these little guys in trouble. They are still learning to develop their small and large motor skills and when they cannot complete a task (like buttoning their shirt) they may throw a tantrum.
- Practice power and control over situations and decisions. You may want them to clean up but they are not ready to quit playing, so the cleanup will not get done.
Your mission is to teach your toddler appropriate behavior (what is ok and what is not). It is important for the toddler to learn to follow your directions, because it can be a safety issue. If you give your child a command that he/she is not following, then there is a possibility he/she could get hurt. So how can you help your toddler learn to follow directions? There are several positive strategies to use and they include:
- Baby proof your house…cover the outlets, remove breakables, remove poisonous plants, remove cleaning supplies, etc.
- Be proactive rather than reactive. Plan ahead and always try to be one step ahead of the child. For instance when you are going to the doctor’s office, to church, or to the store, take along snacks, toys and books so the toddler has something to occupy him.
- When your toddler is throwing a tantrum, take time to find out why. Ask him what is hurting him? Have her show why she is angry. Use words to express emotions so that the child can learn words to express his feelings. Behavior is a form of communication and if the child is not able to verbally express what he needs, what he feels or what he wants, then he will express it the only way he knows how; behavior.
- Children like an audience, and sometimes it works best to leave the child in the room to finish throwing his tantrum (make sure the child is going to be safe).
- Give the child two options and give him enough time to choose one. For instance you may give the options of; “you may have water or milk, but not pop”. Give her a minute to think about it and make a choice. This gives the toddler power to make choices.
- Pick your battles,….if your toddler wants to wear his favorite slippers to the store, buy two pairs; one set for the store and one set for the houseJ Again you are giving him power to do what he wants every now and then.
- Give advance warnings about upcoming plans or changes. For instance talk to your toddler about your day’s plan…..we are going to the store after your bath or we will eat dinner after you clean up, etc.
If y our toddler is doing something dangerous (banging on the TV screen) then remove him from the area and redirect his attention to another activity. If she is destroying something (like a book or a toy) then gently, take the item away and explain to your child that it is not ok to destroy things. If he cries and wants the toy back, in a kind and loving voice explain “I know you want it back, but you cannot have it now.” Give him the toy back later and remind him to take care of it or it will have to be put away again.
Always discipline your child in a loving, positive way. Never spank your toddler. He really does not understand why he is being hit and much research has shown that spanking is hurtful to children. I don’t like the word “time out”. I would rather tell the child that he/she needs to have some quiet time. During quiet time, you can visit with the child about what he/she was doing wrong and help him learn how to manage his own behavior.
Positive discipline helps toddlers learn self-control, and respect for others’ belongings. It also minimizes frustration, and provides a sense of security (chaos can be very scary, so discipline makes them feel secure). Be gentle, kind and loving disciplinarian and you will prepare your toddler for the world.