Loving guidance
Date :
Friday, April 23 2010
Source:
Autourina Mains
Now that your child is in school, there are many factors to consider when your child misbehaves or makes wrong choices. Going to school brings about many changes for the child such as; adjusting to new environment, making new friends, and learning new rules. Sometimes adults don’t stop and think about all the new experiences the child is being asked to adapt to. This can be exciting and quite stressful at the same time. Think about when you return to work after vacation…..you have to adjust your wake, and sleep time, manage your time between family and work, organize your day and try to get back to your work schedule. It may take you a few days to just get back in the groove of things and you may stress for a few days. It is no different for our little ones. They too feel stress, anxiety, frustration, anger and agitation. However, their feelings may manifest in misbehavior.
You can help your child deal with stresses of school in a positive way that will help teach her/him how to express feelings.
- Provide a safe, nurturing environment
- Build a positive, loving relationship so your child feels comfortable coming to you to talk things over….avoid being judgmental
- Set aside special time for conversation
- Help your child identify problems and come up with possible solutions
- Designate a special time for physical activity, walking, playing ball, going on hikes, etc…this is a great time to listen to your child
- Validate your child’s feelings by acknowledging them
- Show them you trust them….assign work to them and let them know you believe in their ability to accomplish it
Helping your child recognize causes of stress and how to deal with it is an essential lifelong skill. School age children are learning how to be more independent and function in a social setting outside of the home. When they are misbehaving, look at it as making wrong choices and use them as a teachable opportunity. Guide and discipline your child in a loving way to help him understand why his choice was wrong. For instance when my oldest daughter got her driver’s license, the rule was that she could not travel out of town without an adult. She not only broke that rule but went to a town 90 miles away.
When she got home, I visited with her and asked her a few things she had not thought about:
What if you had car trouble?
What if you had an accident?
What if we had a family emergency….ho w would I contact you (she did not have a cell phone)?
We discussed how she had broken the trust between us and I asked her what she thought I should do??? She responded, “Take my car away.” She basically disciplined herself. She could not drive her car for a week and riding the bus was not a whole lot of funJ she never left town without letting me know again and she understood why I did not want her to drive out of town without me or another adult. She was not trying to be defiant; she was just trying to be independent without realizing the possible consequences of her decision.
So talk to your children and let them know how much you love them. Help them understand the rules exist because of your love for them and your concern for their safety and well being.