Positive guidance with kindness and love
Date :
Friday, April 23 2010
Source:
Autourina Mains
Preschoolers are starting to learning about consequences and it is a good time to help them learn how to self-regulate, take responsibility for their actions, and make good choices. The purpose of disciplining is to help the child learn to follow directions, be respectful and learn self-control. Discipline does not mean punishment and you can discipline in a kind, positive, respectful way. Here are some strategies:
- Always be proactive, rather than reactive. Being proactive means to be one step ahead of the game. For instance before you take the trip to the zoo, go over the rules with your child and have him repeat the rules to you.
- Help the child think for herself. For instance ask the child what might happen if you run across the street? …what might happen if you hit your friend with a block, or truck? ….what might happen if we don’t clean the house? You will surprise at the answers they give you and this allows them to be a part of decision making and rule setting.
- Instead of timeouts give your child time alone to think and recompose herself. Explain to your preschooler that everyone needs time alone sometimes and it is ok to want to be alone and think about what you did. Time alone should not be for hours; however…one minute per age of the child is appropriate.
- When you catch your child doing something wrong, stop him and ask “What are you doing….think about what you’re doing…is that what you should be doing?” this helps your child think about her actions and your helping him/her learn to think for him/herself.
- Give your child responsibility. I teach my older preschoolers to take care of the “little ones”. They really take pride in helping those that are younger than them.
- Give meaningful, positive feedback. Don’t just say “good job” but be specific….”I really like how you put all your toys away in the right places.”
- Give your preschooler fun rewards for following directions and good behavior…..we all like to know when we are appreciated.
- Pick your battles….let her have her way sometimes just as you have your way sometimes.
Discipline the child with love and kindness. Let your child know you still love him/her even when they do something wrong. At this age, children want to please the adults so let them know when they are doing something good. I try to catch my little ones making good choices and praise them as soon as they do it. This encourages positive behavior.
Being a good role model also helps….your child does what he/she sees you do. So when you show kindness to others, the child learns to be kind. When you treat him/her with respect, then they treat you and others with respect.
Keep in mind also that behavior is a form of communication. The child may not have the verbal capacity to let you know how she/he feels or wants, and may express it via behavior. I always try to find out the reasons behind the behavior. Is the child angry, sad, frustrated, scared or tired? If adults can be moody, so can children and if stress affects adults’ behavior, it can affect children’s behavior as well. The only difference is that the child may not know how to let you know he is stressing, so the only way he demonstrates it is through behavior. Teach them how to express anger appropriately, how to share their fear and how to express their frustrations. Through kindness and compassion, you’ll be teaching them lifelong social skills.