Heling Your Preschooler Deal With Separation Anxiety
Date :
Monday, April 20 2009
Source:
Guadalupe Lore, Child Care Finder
As a parent you want your child to be happy and healthy. You want her to enjoy the experiences in life, with or without you by her side. So on her first day of preschool, as she starts crying and holding onto your leg, you feel devastated. What am I doing? How can I leave my child like this?
Separation anxiety is a normal part of the preschool childhood. Even children who have been in child care before may experience anxiety episodes if there is a change in the routine -- a new teacher, the end of vacation, or changes at home, such as a new baby.
Children will show their fear of separation in different ways. Most often, a display of crying or holding on to you -- and not letting go! This may occur when you take your child to a new place or if you leave them with a relative or childcare provider. Also, some children will show an unusual level of clinginess even when they are with the parents, following them around the house to make sure they are still there.
Fortunately, there are different ways you can help your preschooler deal with the anxious feelings of separation:
- Prepare yourself -- You need to be comfortable with the preschool where you are leaving your child. If he/she senses your discomfort or worries, it will definitely make her feel uneasy. One way you can achieve this is to make sure you choose a program you trust. Visit different preschool environments, talk to the teachers and directors so you can make a decision that you are sure about.
- Prepare your child -- Visit the preschool or meet the child care provider with your child, so she knows all the details. Make sure you can find some of your child’s favorite playthings (a toy, a game, a piece of playground equipment) so she has something to look forward to upon arrival at the new preschool.
- Talk to your child – Discuss with your child the upcoming time when he will stay as you leave, whether it is going to preschool or staying with a childcare provider. Tell him why you are excited about it and what he can expect.
- Don’t dwell on it -- If your child says it will be sad to be away from you, acknowledge that feeling because it is real for her. But don’t keep on going back to the subject. Treat it as a natural event, not as something to be sad about.
- Don’t focus on clock times -- Preschoolers are too young to understand time concepts. Instead of telling her that you “will be back at two,” you can refer to specific activities. “I’ll be back right after nap time”.
- Never sneak out -- Your child trusts you. You could damage that trust if when she turns around you are not there anymore. That would only make her clingier and more afraid that you will disappear again.
- Make the good bye short and simple -- The anxiety of separation can build up if it takes you too long to let go and walk out of the room.
- Have a routine prepared --Maybe you can kiss your child’s hand so she can put the kiss in her pocket and save it for later, have a special handshake you two invented or simply give her a high five!
As hard as it is to walk away from your child, separating from her is a natural part of her growing up. It will get easier every day. In fact, if you talk to your child’s teacher or childcare provider, he will probably tell you the crying stopped right after you left. And if the program or provider is just how you trusted it would be your child will be giving you a “see you later” smile in no time.