Will You Miss Me?
Date :
Monday, April 20 2009
Source:
Kim Lamb, Child Care Finder
“How we handle separations is developed early in life, literally from our Peek-A-Boo days when we first deal with the disappearance and reappearance of someone we love. How we help children handle separation, then, is of the first importance and is truly life-shaping.” Rita M. Warren, Caring: Supporting Children’s Growth
Leaving your child in a chosen child care setting can be as troubling for you as for your child. Arrival and departure times require special attention. As infants develop, their awareness of your absence increases. In the first months, most children do not often react to being left in child care. Infants around sixth months of age, begin to distinguish between known family members and strangers. By nine months old; an infant may begin to experience separation anxiety and may cry when left with a new caregiver.
As your child gets older, her understanding of separation intensifies. Your child’s temperament, culture and other factors make consistent departure routines important. By creating a positive relationship with your child’s caregiver, it will allow you to move through your work day confident that your infant is happy.
This time can be challenging for you as well. You may feel a little bit guilty about taking time away from your child for a day of work or an evening out. Your child’s unwillingness to leave you is a good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of you. It is gratifying to know that your child is finally as attached to you as you are to him or her!
Understanding that separation anxieties can be expected, allows you to plan for them. Work with your infant’s caregiver to establish a plan of action to soften the stressors of separating from your child. Your shared knowledge of your infant’s temperament and desires to protect her can help your infant between six and eight months of age.
- Go Slowly- Plan extra minutes to allow you to spend time with your infant caregiver before you leave your child for the day. Exchange information about how your baby slept the night before or when the next feeding time will be. Any important additional information you share with your caregiver will allow her to better meet your child’s needs during the day. On days when emotions are running high, the extra minutes to calm your child will be well spent.
- Make a routine transition - Have the caregiver hold your child while you are still there, engaging in conversation with all three of you. In those cases when time only makes leaving more difficult for both of you, a hug, a favorite blanket and “I love you!” may be best. Repeat the same ritual each arrival or departure so the infant knows learns to trust the people and the surroundings.
- Know what to expect -It may be surprising to know that your infant quiets quickly after you go. Your caregiver can explain to you her routine for calming an upset child. Children from eight months to one year gradually grow into independent toddlers. If possible, attempt to start your infant in childcare before the developmental stage when separation anxiety occurs. Routines will be well established by then.
- Plan ahead - Before you return to work or if your caregiver is new, plan a visit when you won’t be late for work or an evening out. Practice by leaving the room and then returning. This helps your infant to learn that when you leave you will return. Plan to leave your child for short periods of time with the new caregiver before she needs to stay for the entire day while you work.
- Keep departures pleasant - Remain calm; it is hard to leave a crying little one. When you feel comfortable with your child’s caregiver, you can be confident that she will comfort your child after you have left. Tears at separation will soon change to smiles. Your infant will be comforted by a consistent routine that confirms for him that his needs are being met.
Trust your instincts. You the parent are the expert on your baby’s behavior. If your child’s tears don’t subside, if your child‘s sleeping or eating habits change, or if your calm infant changes to a consistent fussy baby, a change may be needed.
First, rule out the possibility that your child isn’t feeling well. Then consider that the caregiver’s environment may not be the best fit for your child. This would be the time to explore other child care options: perhaps a family child care home environment, instead of a child care center; or another caregiver who lives closer to your home. Maybe less travel time will give you those extra precious minutes to spend with your child to ease her and your separation anxieties.